Christian Reflection and Prayer

Page Three

December 25
M E R R Y Christmas! 20 more inches
of the darn slop tonight - Snowed in.
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
gosh, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow
driver came by asking for a donation and I
hit him over the head with my shovel. The
wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's
an idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life"
one more time, I'm going to stuff her into
the microwave.


December 26
Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move
here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting
on my nerves.


December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze;
plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him,
he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.


December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The
stinking cold and snow are driving me crazy!!!


December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the
roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I
ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?


December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver,
and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not
only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to
shove the broken snow shovel up his backside.
The wife went home to her mother. Nine more
inches predicted.


December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house.
No more shoveling.


January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

THE DIARY SUDDENLY AND WITHOUT EXPLANATION ENDED!!!!!!!!!!

HAVE A HAPPY, HAPPY WINTER!!!!!!!!

Page Two

December 16
Ice storm this morning.  Fell on my behind
on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. 
Hurt like heck.  The wife laughed for an
hour, which I think was very cruel.


December 17
Still way below freezing.  Roads are too
icy to go anywhere.  Electricity was
off for 5 hours.  I had to pile the blankets
on to stay warm.  Nothing to do but stare
at the wife and try not to irritate her. 
Guess I should've bought a wood stove,
but won't admit it to her.  Man I hate it
when she's right.  I can't believe I'm
freezing to death in my own living room.


December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another
14 inches of the darn stuff last night. 
More shoveling!  Took all day.  The
lousy snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel,
but they said they're too busy playing
hockey.  I think they're lying.  Called
the only hardware store around to see
about buying a snow blower and they're
out.  Might have another shipment in
March.  I think they're lying.  Bob says
I have to shovel or the city will have it
done and bill me.  I think he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas
because 13 more inches of the white stuff 
fell today, and it's so cold, it probably
won't melt till August.  Took me 45 minutes
to get all dressed up to go out to shovel
and then I had to the bathroom.  By the
time I got undressed, went to the bathroom
and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. 
Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck
for the rest of the winter, but he says he's
too busy.  I think the jerk is lying.


December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today.  And it warmed
up to 0.  The wife wanted me to decorate the
front of the house this morning.  What is she,
nuts?!!  Why didn't she tell me to do that a
month ago?  She says she did but I think s
he's lying.


December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow,
I broke the shovel.  Thought I was having a heart
attack.  If I ever catch the jerk who drives that
snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his neck
and beat him to death with my broken shovel. 
I know he hides around the corner and waits for
me to finish shoveling and then he comes down
the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow
all over where I've just been!  Tonight the wife wanted
me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our
presents, but I was too busy watching for the
stinking snowplow.

TOMORROW PAGE THREE (FINAL PAGE)

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER 1

Page One

December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow.  The first snow
of the season and the wife and I
took our cocktails and sat for hours
by the window watching the huge
soft flakes drift down from heaven. 
It looked like a Grandma Moses
Print.  So romantic we felt like
newlyweds again.  I love snow!


December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket
of crystal white snow covering
every inch of the landscape. 
What a fantastic sight!  Can
there be a more lovely place
in the whole world?  Moving
here was the best idea I've ever
had!  Shoveled for the first time
in years and felt like a boy again. 
I did both our driveway and the
sidewalks.  This afternoon the
snowplow came along and
covered up the sidewalks and
closed in the driveway, so I got
to shovel again.  What a perfect
life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely
snow.  Such a disappointment! 
My neighbor tells me not to worry-
we'll definitely have a white
Christmas.  No snow on Christmas
would be awful!  Bob says we'll have
so much snow by the end of winter,
that I'll never want to see snow again. 
I don't think that's possible.  Bob is
such a nice man, I'm glad he's our
neighbor.


December 14
Snow, lovely snow!  8 inches last night. 
The temperature dropped to -20.  The
cold makes everything sparkle so. 
The wind took my breath away, but I
warmed up by shoveling the driveway
and sidewalks.  This is the life!  The
snowplow came back this afternoon
and buried everything again.  I didn't
realize I would have to do quite this
much shoveling, but I'll certainly get
back in shape this way.  I wish I
wouldn't huff and puff so.


December 15
20 inches forecast.  Sold my van and
bought a 4x4 Blazer.  Bought snow
tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. 
Stocked the freezer.  The wife wants a
wood stove in case the electricity goes
out.  I think that's silly.  We aren't in
Alaska, after all.

TOMORROW PAGE TWO